Networkin'

I finally got my neural network piece on my 25th birthday this year.

Two neurons connected by an axon. It's even got a synaptic gap!
3 meanings from this symbol in reductionist terms:
1) Neurons are part of a network, they all have to communicate with each other and work as a unit ("The whole is greater than the sum of its parts"), much like a community.
2) Represents my brain maturing and critical understanding of young children and inevitably myself and others through neurobiology/temperament
3) Synaptic gap=leap of faith. No synapses actually touch, electro-chemicals must jump the gap to deliver message.
Also, note the thick myelin (repetition/experience strengthens the axon)

I'm looking forward to this year like no other. I feel mid-20's will be like a toddler/teenager stage of human development where I can feel the power of my autonomy and impact in my micro and macro system, but I've still got a lot of learning to do. Though my mileage is racking up, with each year passing, I feel my spirit staying the same or becoming "younger."

Candid review of Zardoz

After trying for an hour to post this supposedly candid and low maintenance review, Netflix would not let me post it. Because I picked the "Love It" star, I'm sharing it the review and screen caps here:


I didn't expect much but considering its low budget (some people describe this as "cheesy") the culture of film at the time (1970's/controversial/nudity) and considering the fact that I had just watched a PBS special on the "Dark Ages", I immensely enjoyed this film, chosen on a whim.


This movie strikes me as a cross between A Clockwork Orange, The Labyrinth and some sort of Twilight Zone episode. The characters/writing (Renegades and Apathetics), music, editing and directing are excellent (The whole film is a Wizard of Oz reference), There are several subtle twists, psychological thrills and unintentional (?) laughs. This director really tries your patience with some longer sequences of shots (i.e. the scene exchanging knowledge through "osmosis and touch") but the images
are inventive and the rhythm of editing keeps us Generation X, Y and Zeds interested.



Yes, there are controversial subjects like rape and death, but they are not sensationalized-in the context of the writing it's pretty appropriate. There are also subjects of feminism, the social-emotional and rebellion.


Though I "loved it," there were a couple of parts where I was confused like, if that Alfred guy was really dead or if Zed was just tripping off "knowledge" If you're not uptight (meaning getting past the dated exterior), looking for something you don't see everyday (visual and auditory), try something new.
Haha. Revenge to the Children's Books section!

"The Numbers Don't Lie"

Wow, just read my old entries in "here". Was moved by the entry on October 24, 2006-"the sun feels like the pearly gates of heaven on my face" or some shit (whoops trying to balance my irreverence). Ahem...

In a numinous state, the older I get, the more patterns appear to me.

In Child Development theory, a child 0-5 is engaged in pre-math when they are able to recognize patterns-whether they be, shapes, colors, rhythms, etc. In all the different K-6 schools I attended growing up around Oahu, I received check minuses, S minuses and straight up, minuses in mathematics. I definitely noticed that pattern early on! My inadequacies in fundamental math caught up to me at San Francisco State University (SFSU), so I decided to take a break from school to work as a live-in caregiver at a home for adults with developmental disabilities until I left in pursuit of an uber-brain quenching. Had I not left SFSU, I may have never affirmed my passion for television and film, critical thinking, experiential learning, post-colonial anthropology, grassroots post-modernism, learned more about myself through using my body (creatively & fitness-wise) and most importantly my fucking dedication to the Early Childhood Education field and its expansion, neurobiology, understanding children through neurobiology and essentially understanding myself for the first time in my then 21 years.

Back to my initial sentiment, I love math, with its patterns, variables, what if's, symmetry, exponents/fractals, etc. Technically, I still operate at a pre-algebraic level (A in high school Geometry) but I feel confident that one day I will find a nurturing and creative teacher or approach that can help me to understand these abstract numerals and signs, especially through nature and day-to-day relationships. & after I am competent in that area, I look forward to creating a developmentally appropriate and comprehensive mathematical Early Childhood Education curriculum using symmetry in nature and the social-emotional experience to connect to the abstractions of math. I mean, really, do K-College teachers have to conduct the process of learning in the most sensory-deprived and compartmentalized environments devoid of any concrete experiences and relationships?

(Jump cut)

To address my title, no, it's not original. A teacher once told me that I should avoid using cliches. Ha ha. Because we are in these post-modern times, I re-appropriated the cynical connotation of cliches! They remind us of "something familiar" and this feeling of familiarity-really just a neuro-axon super myelinated through repetition-is rooted in the social-emotional realm. Something familiar feels good-less energy expended on an already established path ways-therefore, cliches=less energy=good! Since cliches capture so much in so little, they are also the quickest and most convenient way to get to one's feelings. This is valuable knowledge to people in advertising who understand this psychology. Cutting-edge neuroscience uncovers human's emotional rudders that subconsciously guide ALL of our decisions. This is also valuable knowledge for teachers who can increase learning effectiveness by following the child's interest-what the child wants (and is ready) to learn. I wonder who else this knowledge would be valuable to?...Cliches are also a reminder that the literal words are meaningless and its the comprehension of ideas behind the abstract units of shapes, rhythms, phonemes, etc. that give life to the written and spoken word. That was directed towards you, sassy grammarwhores. On the flip-side, anti-cliches! The first one that came to mind was the album title Punk in Drublic. What fun!

On a more day-to-day frame, one of my past-times is educating myself through Wikipedia. Yes, I understand the nature of Wikipedia, but I mean I look up stuff like cliche, Mali, the etymology of dildo. I doubt someone is going to go out of their way to give biased facts on those subjects. It's a trip to me! Try pronouncing synecdoche. It's a fun word! I saw a link to reification and gasped when I saw the word fallacy in parenthesis. I want to take another English Class or self-teach/start a zine collab?? I'm glad I have the ideas behind the words, but what good are the ideas if I can't communicate them to anyone, let alone in a self-expressive kinda way. I really need to work on refining my interpretations and strengthening my transitions in between my ideas, especially because many of my ideas are interdisciplinary...Uggghh, takes so long though and there are no designated margins to write in.

Ever since I have somewhat settled and live in a more routine and predictable way, I can recognize the patterns around me, which is crucial to mental and spiritual health.


Anyway, I retire, velvet robe and scotch in hand.

...One of them garbage people...

I remained thoughtful of the hardworking mechanics about to invest their time in maintaining my vehicle by looking around my car for trash. "They deserve better," I thought as I reached for an old McDonald's bag in the backseat and its counterpart orange juice beverage leaking in the cupholder. Cup in the bag, (half-empty or half full?) I reached for the driver's side door compartment where I had been saving used tissues in case of, literally, a spitting emergency. Filled to the brim with soiled Kleenex, balled up McDonalds' wrappers, half full, 3 day old orange juice and refuse fit for the King of Smokey Mountain/Tondo, I scanned my perimeter for the nearest trash receptacle. Maybe a steel one would be appropriate for garbage in this state? These isotopes are a-decaying and not a single Rubbermaid in sight!

Feeling my panic, mystery mechanic reached his hand out like the God that is painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Humbly I called out, "Please do not worry, 2nd Christ, this time I will pay for my sins," but from my mortal coil, it sounded more like, "Uhmm, no it's okay, i'll find a trash can." My brother insisted that he carry the remains of my support of globalization/high caloric burden (choose one depending on your politics) and in stoic silence, he grasped the mouth of this fast food carcass. As the weight shifted from my proprioceptive system to his, I could feel IT, like a tracker with their ear to the ground, I knew what was about to happen, but only by seconds. As if lead bullets were thrown onto a scale of circumstances, the bottom of the bag split open like Athena from Zeus' skull, pouring tepid and sticky orange juice like it was Niagra Falls and haling units of stiff tissues like a December day in San Francisco. I watched like an OBE, Out-of-Body-Experience, the contents of this makeshift trash bin out of a friendly McDonald's bag gremlin that pops out those pustuled and vicious gremlins when it gets wet, they exploded all over the mechanic's Reeboks (Were they Reeboks or were they Filas? Who wears Filas nowadays though?...) That moment was proof that slow-motion existed outside of Sports recaps (Do they still do those slow-motion recaps?) and in that moment from trash diarrhea to man's porous shoes, I didn't realize that such a small cup could contain so much liquid. Had I even sipped on that orange juice or did some Catholic demon switch out my small McDonald's drink for a container of Super Gulp proportions?

Stewing in my shock, my apologies were absent, but before I slipped into a laughing hysteria, (In the discretion of my friend's economy car) I just had one thing to say to this former savior subjected to my human waste, "Ooooh, my bad!" With no reaction to the events, he swept away the previous contents of my unmentionable time capsule like a professional, perhaps like it's happened before, suspicious...I mean really, dude, I just spilled like 8 oz. of bacteria Atlantis all over your kicks and not even an eyebrow raise like you're stoned and you hear something in the distance except it's really nothing because you're just paranoid? Okay, it's whatever, I guess...

So just to recap, you can choose your adventure!:

Long-term thinking/Chaos Theory: I had a cold, but still had to get around, so I brought tissues in the car for excretions of that nature. A week later, I was working and going to class non-stop that day, I was famished and on a budget, so I stopped into a local fast food joint. My poison, being a small orange juice, just wasn't a good fit to that day like I thought it was so I left it in the car. Continuing with my work and being busy for the whole week I suddenly remembered I need to bring my car to the service place in my neighborhood for repair. Trying to make things more comfortable for the mechanic helping me, I collected visible trash before I left my vehicle with him and in went the orange juice and tissues. As I was handing my trash to him because I did not see a trash receptacle, the bottom of the bag became soggy and all the trash fell through and the entire orange juice splashed all onto his shoes.

or Short-term thinking/Reductionism: Got to the car repair place, didn't want to look like a slob so wanted to throw away Mcdonald's crap. Put in orange juice that I didn't drink, but the top of orange juice unloosened, thereby soaking the bottom of the McDonald's bag that was containing trash, like crispy tissues from when I was sick. When I was handing the trash to him after not seeing a trash can, the weight shifted and the orange juice spilled all over his shoe for literally 60 seconds. I said, "Oooh, my bad!" and then jumped into my friend's car while laughing and processing what just happened.

The lesson that I took away from this was to never, ever brandish your empty, or not so empty, McDonalds' trash to anyone, maybe not even your inner circle.

--True story from San Francisco, Spring 2009

Who knew the sound of the quick expansion of air could be so awesome?

It's 2010 & i've started my new year on the island of the gods, Bali. Today's the third day of our 8 day long trip & i've already run out of room on my 4 GB memory card for my camera. Of course 4 GB is laughable for 2010. I forgot that we were in the future now.

Here is a copy & paste of words to a couple of songs I did in December 2009--->

Epic of the Universe:

I don't stop like the ice cream truck
I don't ring no alarm you're out of luck
Headquarters in my room, on a Sunday afternoon
Setting sun, now I'm done, mind & body on the run

Don't get all whack, i'll scratch your back, i'm right on track hangin up another plaque
With the dope subjects ziplining through my brain, multi-tasking watching serial
experiments lane.
While some may struggle just to find a single interest, i'm grateful to be me,
synchronistically
Going through the motions as your day to day alias
Creatures of the night dancing, raising that Celsius
challenging to find the balance in ya body, spending time with yo love shift from nice
to naughty
Gotta smile when you're standing in the rain, the feeling is novel, the effect is colossal
When youre counting dollar signs, are you aware of the times
when you don't get what you need, it's your ego that you feed
It's not the end, although you're human, it might be fun to live like Truman


This is a good beat got it on repeat
rhthymically speaking ideas are peaking
Accepting yourself for who you are can be stressful
Seeking insight from the archetypal
Have to switch my gear, got my precious in the rear, wanna be a better version
by the end of this year
Transitions can be jarring, by the end of the day, to each his own
always starts in the home.

--------

Eccentric Billionaire:

Sometimes they're living in hobocamps, you take one home for soup, out comes a checkbook from their pants
They say, "I'm gonna make your dreams come true, by your good nature, rewarding you,"
The pipe dreams burst, out spewed scenes of luxury class esteem
How can joy replace showers? Meals of lemon sours, prepared on a family estate
I say, "When you're roaming the street, marching to your own beat, always keep a copy of your receipt."

Eccentric billionaire

Sir Richard B successfully sells trips to outer space
Bill Gates the third, sleeps earth sheltered, in Xanadu homebase
Scrooge McD, in his vault he'll be with gold coins on his feathers
J. Pomeroy, hope you enjoy your state of the art center.

()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()

Thought i'd include email excepts from Bali to my man lover to document my self-process or whatever:

"Oh man, toilet drama, anyway i don't want to write about that at this moment.

So last night I had one small step towards mankind when I told my mom that i liked that she was trying to help me and all but i don't need her to tell me after every meal that i need to stop eating after five bites and that it was enough. It seemed like she liked hearing that she was helping so she said i know so today she hasn't said a word or been side eyeing me as i eat. It is really challenging vacationing with her. Like she said, since she grew up in the provinces, this isn't really a vacation for her. She was really traumatized by her childhood, so she prefers the monoculture hotel and entertainment bused in from local villages. In fact we're going to move hotels to the part of the island that aims to compete with the other international beach resorts devoid of any of the local culture. It's whatever, cuz it's her money. And as an American, I kind of like air conditioning (sorry ozone layer :() But we've been sorta bonding in our own way. I hate to complain about my mom so much, but i guess it just rubs off on me. And she has her reasons for being high maintanence, I guess she's a sensory avoider.

People keep talking to us in Balinese because they think we're local, especially me ;p I think we walked for a mile today and it wasn't so bad because it was leisurely but at the end my leg and foot did start hurting and i was tired! I would love to come back here to Ubud again, I will go ahead and call it the San Francisco of Bali. Eco cycling, Ganesha bookstore, Vegetarian food, dog advocacy, alternative t-shirt shops, etc....

Ooh, my carnrows are falling out. I think I officially got my money's worth out of this 90 buck hairstyle. I've had them in since December 12? They said it wouldn't last a week HAH. I will make my recessionista hairstyle work for me through vacation to staycation.

I know these emails are long, you don't have to reply in the same length, but as long as you read them and feel my familiar energy, I will be happy! Hope you don't mind my somewhat stream of conscious/bad/lazy grammar thinking/writing, cuz the thought of you inspires me! This kind of reminds me of when I was first trying to get with you and I was living in Michelle's Home still in RWC, and how I missed you but I had never even been with you. The same thing is happening now, the same feeling, except this is better because we're actually together now, It reminds me of my mom's first boyfriend in 8th grade. She and this boy were talking so they became bf gf but they had never even kissed and someone started a rumor that my mom was pregnant, it reached the boy's parents and they took it out on him pretty bad, and that's when my mom ran away from home. Anyway, different circumstances but I remember my mom saying, "We had never even kissed, and I was supposedly pregnant" I don't remember verbatim what she said, but there's a connection there. I dunno sort that out, mercurial mind...

The first night I was here I thought I kept hearing the Bop it toy, ya know after The Simpsons episode, so it was definitely wishful thinking that in the middle of these rice paddies in Ubud, Bali there was some kid (can't be an adult) with a Bop it Toy, but the toy only played the Bop It sound and not the other ones. So today my mom asks me if I hear the Tucco lizard. Tucco being the sound the lizard makes, which is the name it is known by in the Philippines. So imagine the Bop It syllabic stresses, tone and high volume except with the enunciation of "Tuc Co" and it sounds like a toucan-parrot but it's a freaking lizard...I have yet to see this lizard, it's not the gecko which makes a tsk tsk tsk tsk noise which is almost as loud as the tucco lizard. Anyway, it's really loud and alive with frogs, lizards, birds (in the morning), crickets."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Due to the nature of my 2010, I will be returning here more frequently. Just FYI...Cheers!

Vulnerability is Inevitable

When I hear old people singing, it makes me cry.

Tonight I accompanied my mom to a gala at the Rrazz Room nightclub in Hotel Nikko San Francisco. Though all the performers were fabulous (Sharon Mcnight can get me on my feet with tales of bacon any day of the week) we were there to see Petula Clark, famous for several hits spanning over seven decades. Petula sang a familiar song, "Downtown," then shared a poem written on a train from Paris to London with the audience which MOVED my mother to shed a couple of tears. Needless to say Petula is a magical 70-year old woman. When I got back home, I acquired some of her recordings and I am SOLD. I can see how my mother is inspired by this artist because I am too. I consider every single one of Petula Clark's songs wonderfully moving and insightful. It probably doesn't hurt that Petula is a Scorpio sun sign like me. Sidenote-I see a PATTERN some Scorpio sun sign artists that I follow like Bjork, Bat for Lashes and now Petula Clark who've become internationally known in their 30's. They're not "super famous" in their early teens or early 20's, so I interpret that as sign to look forward to my 30's. What if in our 30's us Scorpios shift the focus of our imposing shadow to instead reflect and radiate our light out into the external. Just playing. Now I digress!

As I listened to Petula's recordings, which took place while my mom was just a dreamy teen in the provinces of the Philippines, there was this quality in Petula's voice that I focused on. Her voice in the songs were dripping with youth and I wondered if this was the voice my mom expected to hear tonight. I wonder if Petula's young voice is how my mom wants to feel like again but the voice of the Petula of today is what my mom feels like now?

In a voice/vibration, without language, one can feel where a person is in their life.

Petula's lyrics contain a lot of the same theme of going to where all the lights are and forgetting your worries. Anyway, I started crying because I really did have a moving and magical night with my mom, entering her world and "being in the moment." "Being in the moment" then made me think about the moments preceeding them. My mom pretty much has lived/lives synchronistically (if that's a word) by Petula's lyrics-throw in some lyrics about hustling and war and my mom's personality is complete.

After crying I felt better because the act got some cortisol out of my system, and I reflected on the way I receive and express my emotions. I feel really moved by my external life on a day to day basis, which I am grateful for (all my relations) so much so that I think about taking on everyone's vulnerability so that they keep moving in strength, even if its away from me. I would rather watch "them" move away from me than bear to see them sink like Leo in Titanic. What does that mean? And why do I "feel" like describing my experiences and emotions is a "bad" thing? We battle/work with our emotions every day yet we never really discuss them. I think about how this social construct affects us. The relationships we have with objects, people, places and ideas are what we really experience. Just as we don't actually see light, rather we see the subject the light bounces off of, sometimes we don't really see what the thing/"problem: is, depending on our social/cultural/neurobiological epistemology, rather the relationships/emotions that they evoke (want, like, hate, scared, ignore). On that note, so much information is being found in the latest neuroscience research about the relationship between the emotions and learning. What a novel idea that emotions are a part of everything that we are thinking.

Extracurricular

Active
--------

San Francisco Gem and Mineral Society (http://www.sfgms.org)
Next dig is in Nevada for turquoise (perhaps some rare white buffalo turquoise) and variscite.

CALPIRG (www.calpirg.org)

The Brain and Learning Society (http://www.edupr.com/):
Applying cutting-edge neuroscience research to educational practices.

The Long Now Foundation (http://www.longnow.org):
Going to their museum in the Presido and learning about their Rosetta Stone Language project is what began my process of thinking about language, as portrayed in my "Late Night on Gems TV" post a year or so ago.

Asian Art Museum in San Francisco (http://www.asianart.org):
The AsiaAlive program is interactive! Hands-on needs to happen more often in museums.

Other Avenues Co-op Food Store (http://otheravenues.coop):
Co-op run bulk goods, local products, etc. in the Sunset neighborhood.

Early Childhood Education Leaders of Today and Tomorrow:
A San Francisco grassroots society of professionals in the ECE field seeking to advocate for the work force of ECE professionals and to be involved in the process of early childhood educational practices and policies.

Connect Early Club for early childhood education professionals:
Professionals in the ECE field seeking resources for work opportunities and networking among other professionals. Meets one 1-2 days a month on the main campus of City College of San Francisco

Literacy for Environmental Justice (http://www.lej.org):
Originally focued on environmental issues in the industrial Bayview/Hunter's Point LEJ's approach expanded into a vital community supporter by empowering local youth into advocating for their community and being involved in issues concerning the BVHP neighborhood, especially for the current "redevelopment" plans looming over the community. 1-2-3 DISPLACE!

San Francisco Public Library System (reppin Ortega Branch in the Sunset, shakaaaas!)

Sloat Garden-A local garden center that I visited because I wanted to take care of my cyclamen that was given to me upon my welcome into the Early Childhood Education Leaders of Today and Tomorrow. I never had a green thumb before, but ever since this plant entered my home, it helps to remind me of my connection to the ECE field. Relationships/emotion really help with the learning!

_____________
I find it loads of fun to learn/do something new everyday, especially if it challenges my proprioceptive sensory modality.

But then it gets challenging keeping track of all the new things i've done/am doing/will do.

Crying deep tiers

I had the pleasure of attending a lecture by Dwayne Jones of Communities for Opportunity. He seeks to erradicate poverty and change the mindset of generations who were taught to embrace poverty. There are three major tiers of poverty:

"fragile families":

units that receive government aid, experience substance abuse, children placed in foster home, shelter inadequate

"crisis families":

the aspects of "fragile families" cut in half, marginally engaged

"working poor":

making ends meet, low skill level

lack of education=crime
Every 29 seconds one person drops out of high school

Developments in the Bayview and Visitacion Valley districts (San Francisco)are pioneering the "mixed income" framework instead of commonplace gentrification. Mayor Newsom is investing $95 million into this project. The federal budget for projects such as this is $92 million for the entire nation.

Industrial age---------------------->Information age

"Children should not be learning how to survive poverty, but to thrive in it"
-Dwayne Jones

http://www.coosf.org/

Think about:

Harlem Children Zone
http://www.hcz.org/

Social equity

Legacy (the documentary)

Proactively solving a problem before it becomes costly to fix in the future and/or before it is too late.

But it is never too late. Time is objective ;-p