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San Francisco, California, United States
My ability to notice things and connect my experiences in a meaningful way ensures that there is never a dull moment. At 24 years old, I am only now beginning to feel comfortable being myself. The nature of this blog is to document my Process and its contents are my unabashed ideas.
Showing posts with label perception. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perception. Show all posts

Friday, November 19, 2010

Networkin'


I finally got my neural network piece on my 25th birthday this year.

Two neurons connected by an axon. It's even got a synaptic gap!
3 meanings from this symbol in reductionist terms:
1) Neurons are part of a network, they all have to communicate with each other and work as a unit ("The whole is greater than the sum of its parts"), much like a community.
2) Represents my brain maturing and critical understanding of young children and inevitably myself and others through neurobiology/temperament
3) Synaptic gap=leap of faith. No synapses actually touch, electro-chemicals must jump the gap to deliver message.
Also, note the thick myelin (repetition/experience strengthens the axon)

I'm looking forward to this year like no other. I feel mid-20's will be like a toddler/teenager stage of human development where I can feel the power of my autonomy and impact in my micro and macro system, but I've still got a lot of learning to do. Though my mileage is racking up, with each year passing, I feel my spirit staying the same or becoming "younger."

Monday, February 08, 2010

Blog Noir

The not-so-distant past:
My other half knows me so well :)

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Who knew the sound of the quick expansion of air could be so awesome?

It's 2010 & i've started my new year on the island of the gods, Bali. Today's the third day of our 8 day long trip & i've already run out of room on my 4 GB memory card for my camera. Of course 4 GB is laughable for 2010. I forgot that we were in the future now.

Here is a copy & paste of words to a couple of songs I did in December 2009--->

Epic of the Universe:

I don't stop like the ice cream truck
I don't ring no alarm you're out of luck
Headquarters in my room, on a Sunday afternoon
Setting sun, now I'm done, mind & body on the run

Don't get all whack, i'll scratch your back, i'm right on track hangin up another plaque
With the dope subjects ziplining through my brain, multi-tasking watching serial
experiments lane.
While some may struggle just to find a single interest, i'm grateful to be me,
synchronistically
Going through the motions as your day to day alias
Creatures of the night dancing, raising that Celsius
challenging to find the balance in ya body, spending time with yo love shift from nice
to naughty
Gotta smile when you're standing in the rain, the feeling is novel, the effect is colossal
When youre counting dollar signs, are you aware of the times
when you don't get what you need, it's your ego that you feed
It's not the end, although you're human, it might be fun to live like Truman


This is a good beat got it on repeat
rhthymically speaking ideas are peaking
Accepting yourself for who you are can be stressful
Seeking insight from the archetypal
Have to switch my gear, got my precious in the rear, wanna be a better version
by the end of this year
Transitions can be jarring, by the end of the day, to each his own
always starts in the home.

--------

Eccentric Billionaire:

Sometimes they're living in hobocamps, you take one home for soup, out comes a checkbook from their pants
They say, "I'm gonna make your dreams come true, by your good nature, rewarding you,"
The pipe dreams burst, out spewed scenes of luxury class esteem
How can joy replace showers? Meals of lemon sours, prepared on a family estate
I say, "When you're roaming the street, marching to your own beat, always keep a copy of your receipt."

Eccentric billionaire

Sir Richard B successfully sells trips to outer space
Bill Gates the third, sleeps earth sheltered, in Xanadu homebase
Scrooge McD, in his vault he'll be with gold coins on his feathers
J. Pomeroy, hope you enjoy your state of the art center.

()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()+()

Thought i'd include email excepts from Bali to my man lover to document my self-process or whatever:

"Oh man, toilet drama, anyway i don't want to write about that at this moment.

So last night I had one small step towards mankind when I told my mom that i liked that she was trying to help me and all but i don't need her to tell me after every meal that i need to stop eating after five bites and that it was enough. It seemed like she liked hearing that she was helping so she said i know so today she hasn't said a word or been side eyeing me as i eat. It is really challenging vacationing with her. Like she said, since she grew up in the provinces, this isn't really a vacation for her. She was really traumatized by her childhood, so she prefers the monoculture hotel and entertainment bused in from local villages. In fact we're going to move hotels to the part of the island that aims to compete with the other international beach resorts devoid of any of the local culture. It's whatever, cuz it's her money. And as an American, I kind of like air conditioning (sorry ozone layer :() But we've been sorta bonding in our own way. I hate to complain about my mom so much, but i guess it just rubs off on me. And she has her reasons for being high maintanence, I guess she's a sensory avoider.

People keep talking to us in Balinese because they think we're local, especially me ;p I think we walked for a mile today and it wasn't so bad because it was leisurely but at the end my leg and foot did start hurting and i was tired! I would love to come back here to Ubud again, I will go ahead and call it the San Francisco of Bali. Eco cycling, Ganesha bookstore, Vegetarian food, dog advocacy, alternative t-shirt shops, etc....

Ooh, my carnrows are falling out. I think I officially got my money's worth out of this 90 buck hairstyle. I've had them in since December 12? They said it wouldn't last a week HAH. I will make my recessionista hairstyle work for me through vacation to staycation.

I know these emails are long, you don't have to reply in the same length, but as long as you read them and feel my familiar energy, I will be happy! Hope you don't mind my somewhat stream of conscious/bad/lazy grammar thinking/writing, cuz the thought of you inspires me! This kind of reminds me of when I was first trying to get with you and I was living in Michelle's Home still in RWC, and how I missed you but I had never even been with you. The same thing is happening now, the same feeling, except this is better because we're actually together now, It reminds me of my mom's first boyfriend in 8th grade. She and this boy were talking so they became bf gf but they had never even kissed and someone started a rumor that my mom was pregnant, it reached the boy's parents and they took it out on him pretty bad, and that's when my mom ran away from home. Anyway, different circumstances but I remember my mom saying, "We had never even kissed, and I was supposedly pregnant" I don't remember verbatim what she said, but there's a connection there. I dunno sort that out, mercurial mind...

The first night I was here I thought I kept hearing the Bop it toy, ya know after The Simpsons episode, so it was definitely wishful thinking that in the middle of these rice paddies in Ubud, Bali there was some kid (can't be an adult) with a Bop it Toy, but the toy only played the Bop It sound and not the other ones. So today my mom asks me if I hear the Tucco lizard. Tucco being the sound the lizard makes, which is the name it is known by in the Philippines. So imagine the Bop It syllabic stresses, tone and high volume except with the enunciation of "Tuc Co" and it sounds like a toucan-parrot but it's a freaking lizard...I have yet to see this lizard, it's not the gecko which makes a tsk tsk tsk tsk noise which is almost as loud as the tucco lizard. Anyway, it's really loud and alive with frogs, lizards, birds (in the morning), crickets."

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Due to the nature of my 2010, I will be returning here more frequently. Just FYI...Cheers!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Vulnerability is Inevitable

When I hear old people singing, it makes me cry.

Tonight I accompanied my mom to a gala at the Rrazz Room nightclub in Hotel Nikko San Francisco. Though all the performers were fabulous (Sharon Mcnight can get me on my feet with tales of bacon any day of the week) we were there to see Petula Clark, famous for several hits spanning over seven decades. Petula sang a familiar song, "Downtown," then shared a poem written on a train from Paris to London with the audience which MOVED my mother to shed a couple of tears. Needless to say Petula is a magical 70-year old woman. When I got back home, I acquired some of her recordings and I am SOLD. I can see how my mother is inspired by this artist because I am too. I consider every single one of Petula Clark's songs wonderfully moving and insightful. It probably doesn't hurt that Petula is a Scorpio sun sign like me. Sidenote-I see a PATTERN some Scorpio sun sign artists that I follow like Bjork, Bat for Lashes and now Petula Clark who've become internationally known in their 30's. They're not "super famous" in their early teens or early 20's, so I interpret that as sign to look forward to my 30's. What if in our 30's us Scorpios shift the focus of our imposing shadow to instead reflect and radiate our light out into the external. Just playing. Now I digress!

As I listened to Petula's recordings, which took place while my mom was just a dreamy teen in the provinces of the Philippines, there was this quality in Petula's voice that I focused on. Her voice in the songs were dripping with youth and I wondered if this was the voice my mom expected to hear tonight. I wonder if Petula's young voice is how my mom wants to feel like again but the voice of the Petula of today is what my mom feels like now?

In a voice/vibration, without language, one can feel where a person is in their life.

Petula's lyrics contain a lot of the same theme of going to where all the lights are and forgetting your worries. Anyway, I started crying because I really did have a moving and magical night with my mom, entering her world and "being in the moment." "Being in the moment" then made me think about the moments preceeding them. My mom pretty much has lived/lives synchronistically (if that's a word) by Petula's lyrics-throw in some lyrics about hustling and war and my mom's personality is complete.

After crying I felt better because the act got some cortisol out of my system, and I reflected on the way I receive and express my emotions. I feel really moved by my external life on a day to day basis, which I am grateful for (all my relations) so much so that I think about taking on everyone's vulnerability so that they keep moving in strength, even if its away from me. I would rather watch "them" move away from me than bear to see them sink like Leo in Titanic. What does that mean? And why do I "feel" like describing my experiences and emotions is a "bad" thing? We battle/work with our emotions every day yet we never really discuss them. I think about how this social construct affects us. The relationships we have with objects, people, places and ideas are what we really experience. Just as we don't actually see light, rather we see the subject the light bounces off of, sometimes we don't really see what the thing/"problem: is, depending on our social/cultural/neurobiological epistemology, rather the relationships/emotions that they evoke (want, like, hate, scared, ignore). On that note, so much information is being found in the latest neuroscience research about the relationship between the emotions and learning. What a novel idea that emotions are a part of everything that we are thinking.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Product of Childhood

BIS Spring 2008
Cohort U
The Product of Childhood

“During the first three years of life, the human brain develops to 90 percent of adult size,” (Perry 2). Our brain is still one of the great mysteries, even though we all have one and it is inside our body. It is the organ that is enabling me to recall abstract meanings, letter recognition, typing drills and present them in an organized way, it is also the organ you are using to read and assimilate this into your experience, though both are uniquely varied. How one evolved to this point and when one’s mind was created is not an idea usually examined. It is uncommon, and perhaps obscure, to view the self from a biological standpoint where one part of our personality was destined while the other is fate. We apparently possess free will to make our choices and determine who we think we are. When we were not aware of free-will as an expression of ourself, what was our self? From schematas to the id, there are many theories as to how the self develops in an adult’s early childhood. Puckett and Black exclaim that “we all benefit from knowledge of child growth and development. Such knowledge enhances self-understanding and acceptance and informs relationships with others” (3). Being in the field of early childhood development, I am eager to explore how the journey of one’s critical years as well as the roles of economics and neurobiology affect one’s perception of themselves and how it functions in developing one‘s self.
Ultimately, the human is produced, common to planet earth in a solar system among many in the Milky Way galaxy amid scores of galaxies existing in the unfolding, infinite universe. All humans struggle to distinguish their self. Puckett and Black find that “at birth, the brain stem and the midbrain are the most highly developed. These areas of the brain control consciousness, inborn reflexes, digestion, respiration, and elimination,” (137). Despite the range of cultures within the microcosm adults are born into, all individuals begin their lives in predictable ways. One is born with a consciousness which may be the motivation to develop one’s self. Growing up, I was able to shift my consciouness in mundane settings such as elementary school. As the teacher was talking, I would close my eyes and then open them and all of a sudden I felt no sense of self. I could not distinguish my sensation and asked myself ’what am I seeing?’. It seemed like I had no recollection of what people were and where I was, similar to someone who went through a stroke. In terms of brain development, it is assumed that a child is a blank slate and does not have a self apart from the genes one has inherited. The brain, therefore, the mind, has yet to develop. The process of early childhood development shapes the perception of where the self begins and where it ends. Is the self that is being developed in infancy the same as the self an adult identifies with? Ultimately, they are one in the same despite an adult‘s rejection and designating the child self as inferior. “The human brain mediates our movements, our senses, our thinking, feeling and behaving. The amazing, complex neural systems in our brain, which determine who we become, are shaped early,” (Perry 2004). Every adult’s childhood is the foundation upon how one bases their world. It is clear that an individual‘s childhood directly correlates to the framework of how one organizes every day life. There are many parallels between the way an infant and adult sees themself. A child puts to use gathered experiences and information and produces their identity as favorite color, animal, neighborhood in which they live in, their age, superhero, and so forth. While an adult displays their identity through their job, family status, economical status, ethnic heritage, and more concrete experiences that have less to do with the imagination as an identifier of self. Though both agendas share similar concepts, but generally different, both are defined by how they meet challenges and their responsiveness towards the subject. The is self defined by how they organize their world or by what is within that world.
In most recent times, it has been debatable between the different philosophies of child development, nature is put against nurture to see who in fact is more momentous. According to neurobiology, both work together. “Temperament is an individual’s biologically based behavior style, which helps us to describe an individual’s responses (Chess, 1967; Thomas & Chess, 1977; Thomas, Chess, & Birch 1968). Puckett and Black state that “Chess and Thomas (1987) identified several dimensions of temperament, including activity level, rhythms, approach and withdrawl behaviors, adaptability, responsiveness, intensity of reaction, quality of mood, distractibility, attention span, and persistence,” (131). Because of the certain dimensions that differs between individuals, one already has a hard-wired angle of the way one approaches the world. In my experience, I have seen how a child with their individual temperament sees the world. Just by observing how one child sprinkles glitter with caution and precision using just enough to cover a thin layer of glue, yet another child of the same developmental age dumps half a cup of glue then proceeds to intensely shake out the entire contents of the glitter jar speaks volumes of how a child sees their self. Temperament plays a large role in personality. Behavior, observable with interpretation depending on the person who is perceiving it, is the way we appropriately or inappropriately meet our sensations, as well as the context of how one will treat you. During one-on-one sessions with a child, I noticed he was not interested in any activity that had to do with cutting, pasting, or drawing, which are the fine motor skills. He did however love to work with water, pile big bean bags on each other, help the teachers push and pull large objects and use his hands to shake water bottles to create a vortex in between, which engages the large motor skills. It is up to the professional to provide understanding and acceptance for where that child is developmentally. For some individuals, their behavior can be affected by the way they are treated. We are approached based on our behavior. In addition to the environment, a child responds to people and situations based on how they receive information through their central nervous system. It is an uncommon practice, especially in the United States, to consider one’s individual biology as a way to interpret one’s self or a way to consciously view the world. There seems to be a distinct rift between the self that began in the womb then took several years to develop, and the self that an adult identifies with based on gender, economics, and social skills. Our mind is a dimension of our physical brain and where our mind began is not a substantial connection within the dominant ideas. Sensory experiences are critical to developing the brain. Understanding the way one uses their senses to experience offers a window into their world, their perspective. The temperament which is observable through the sensory system influences one’s perspective. Also, it is common for individuals to have “sensory systems where one is hyper, allowing too much sensory input to the brain, hypo, allowing too little sensations for enter the brain, white noise, inefficient that its own operation creates an interference or “static” which is perceived by the brain as if it really existed, and tactility, feelings of temperature, pain, pressure and proprioception or feeling input from the muscles,” (Gold 277). With that information, one can deduce that certain sensory systems affect the environments and people one chooses to subject themselves too. This can account for children who are notorious for their ‘bad behavior’. This is the child who may be yelling and no one understands that the fancy fragrance the adult is wearing is overloading the child’s sensory system. If one has knowledge of how their sensory systems function, one can integrate it into their daily lives and better understand their perspective and the origin beneath the behavior.
After we are born, we begin by developing physically and understanding how our individual body works, where we end and our “not-self” begins. In early childhood, it is an overwhelming, yet understated process of differentiating ourself from our not-self. Puckett and Black state that “self-awareness occurs as infants begin to realize that they are distinct and separate from others and that an object is not an extension of themselves,” (271). In order to promote this brain development, the individual must have experiences, and in infancy, one cannot do it alone. The positive guidance of an adult serves as the catalyst for an infant’s self. These experiences are unique to the individual and determines the outcome of how one thinks and acts. During childhood, the brain is strengthening the point of contact between nerve fibers or synapses that are fortified by routine experiences and pruning the extra cells that conveys information or neurons that are not being used. Routine and predictability in early childhood is critical in supporting the parts of the brain that organize senses. Puckett and Black affirm that “Environmental sensory stimuli cause the brain to develop its own unique circuitry and influences which connections will last and which will atrophy or be pruned away for lack of use, and, in some instances, which connections will be rerouted in response to injury, insult, or neglect,” (172). If a child does not receive the experience of a relationship with routine, their foundation upon which they build their self will not be as substantial. Alongside temperament, it is up to the adult to understand the development of a child in relation to individual traits and provide the guidance and environment that will meet the needs of the child in a positive and creative way. When adults do not value a child‘s unique qualities, it affects what an individual values and gravitates toward. Although certain individuals may appear to have a more challenging neurobiology it affects how one functions within their respective culture. If a child who needs sensory stimulation more than the ‘average’ child does not receive it because their culture requires them to be silent and sit in a chair for long periods of time, this create negative consequences. I believe one chooses to behave as if they have a different sensory system because of what behavior their culture prefers. It affects the way they portray themselves and what they think their self deserves. Experiences vary for each individual depending on temperament and their sensory system. If the child grows up with an understanding of their individual needs, the adult self will learn how to avoid situations like shopping in a crowded place if it overloads their sensory system.
In addition to the inner influences of temperament and developmental age, there are external influences in a significant amount of childrens’ day to day life which remains to be an overlooked factor of adults’ day to day life. Puckett and Black have learned that “poverty has both immediate and long-term effects on child growth, development, and learning,” (143). As if developing one‘s self in infancy was not challenging enough, other opposing forces significantly affect one‘s growth of their self. If factors such as home life, community, quality child care, and positive, consistent adult nurturing are absent, the brain will not be optimally developed. “Studies of infants and young children who have not received healthy, consistent, predictable, repetitive sensory experiences during this critical period of growth and development have shown that they have significantly smaller brains and abnormal brain development (Perry, 1998). If their brain is not being appropriately developed, how can they begin to develop their self? On the extreme side, subjects such as those explain how an individual‘s perception becomes distorted by negative factors. If an infant‘s mind is not being guided and challenged appropriately, it will definitely affect one‘s development of self. Puckett and Black maintain that “families whose energies are taxed by overwhelming economic issues may have little to share with children for nurturing, playful interactions, and enriching learning opportunities,” (143). An individual who grows up in loud and abusive environment may not be receiving the responsive care they need or even the essential REM sleep that develops the central nervous system. If one‘s needs are not being met, one will experience stress which affects one behavior and cognitive abilities. The community plays a major role and if the child is not valued, there may be no appropriate place for a child to play and exercise the motor skills vital to development and other brain activities. “Sense of future is foreshortened. The critical time period for the individual shrinks. The threatened child is not thinking (nor should she think) about months from now,” (Perry 1997). When an individual is stressed out and a future is not in the picture, this must be a factor in the way an adult behaves and sees the world. Certain negative attributes are established and the potential self remains with the infant while the adult self accepts the “truth” and continues to be distorted.
It is important to consider the state of mind an individual is in as it affects the choices they make and the way they interpret the world. “When children experience repetitive activation of the stress response systems, their baseline state of arousal is altered. The result is that even when there is no external threat or demand, they are physiologically in a state of alarm, of fight or flight,” (Perry 2004). On the news there are many cases every hour of adults acting irrationally with no sense of self or empathy. Though many “experts“ speculate as to how the crimes are committed, how this individual is an “evil” person, those events that define the person, and that self of a person is frozen in time. He was never an infant developing his self with understanding and acceptance to guide him. Puckett and Black understand that “Neuroscientists now caution that stressful or traumatic experiences in infancy and early childhood, when prolonged and uninterrupted by successful intervention strategies, can undermind neurological development and impair brain function,” (174). If one has a distorted perspective of one’s self and their world, where and what is the truth? “Children in a state of fear retrieve information from the world differently than children who feel calm,” (Perry 2004). Whether a child is in extreme conditions or experiencing stress from another source, these factors affect the perception of their world and ultimately their decisions and values.
In order for the child to experience meaningful learning, they must do so through a secure and positive relationship with an adult. The infant develops their self under the guidance of an adult. If this adult is understanding of brain development and an individual‘s temperament, the infant is able to discover their individuality and independence. Chess and Thomas acknowledge that “studies of attachment highlight the critical need to form these attachments during the early months and years and suggest that failure to do so may have a lifelong effect on healthy social and emotional development,” (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby, 1973; Brotherhood & Walters, 1985; Zeanah, Mammen, & Lieberman, 1993). Should there be dissonance between the capacities and characteristics of the organism on the one hand and the environment opportunities and demands on the other hand, there is poorness of fit, which leads to maladaptive functioning and distorted development,” (1987). If the adult is ignorant of child development or the temperaments between caregiver and child are not a good fit, there is a chance that the infant‘s true self will not unearth itself. The infant may have a personality or a behavior imposed on them that goes against their developmental expectations and individual temperament. Again, what is the truth? Is the key in an individual‘s mind? Puckett and Black find that “while it may be necessary to say “no” and “don’t touch” often, overuse of such restrictions can cause infants to associate negative and disapproving responses with the people who mean the most to them. Attempts to explore and investigate and to try out emerging skills are thus hindered, as is the confidence and independence that new skills bring,” (140). When infants are not allowed to grow, it reduces their opportunities for knowledge, sense of autonomy, how they distinguish what they like and what they do not like. An adult can interfere with the child trying to meet their own needs according to their central nervous system because a behavior is unfavorable. Only through these relationships with complex emotions can the brain and the individual’s sense of self develop. Under that pretense, an individual begins to organize their world according to their senses and the guidance from the caregiver. Puckett and Black affirm that “these earliest interpersonal relationships shape the neurological structures that establish mental representations or experience in the child’s mind. Hence, patterns of relationships and emotional communication, particularly the character or early attachment relationships, influence the brain’s biochemistry and subsequent wiring, thus laying down neurological patterns through which the child mentally constructs a view of the world,” (202). Some individuals may have grown up with an underdeveloped sense of self only because the caregiver did not understand child development and the individual. Depending on the person‘s temperament, this confusion may intensely affect them with a diminished sense of acceptance. This may influence how one accepts themselves, others, and the world.
The process of how one develops there is self equally as important as the product of the self, but they work together. Puckett and Black find that “self-concept development is a gradual process, which continues throughout childhood and is subject to positive and negative changes as experiences and relationships expand,” (230). Depending on what stage in early childhood, a child finds creative ways to express, develop extensions of themselves, and further themselves with knowledge. It is amazing to witness infants as they possess an innate sense of their self and how to fullfill their sensory needs that they need in order to grow. “Self-definition emerges as children begin to use language to describe themselves. The toddler’s growing awareness of his or her age, size, gender, and skills assists the child in this definition. Around age 3, children begin to mentally construct an “autobiographical” memory that facilitates a continuous identity carried throughout life,” (Nelson 1993). The real journey begins for the child when one has developed skill over their body and can manipulate their surroundings. They begin to correlate the building of experiences to the developing of the self. Personality traits such as “empathy , caring, sharing, inhibition of aggression, capacity to love, and a host of other characteristics of a healthy, happy, and productive person are related to the core attachment capabilities which are formed in infancy and early childhood,” (Perry 1) do not seem to be identified in one‘s self.
All the sources I have used are part of the philosophy of child development that is supported by decades of research done by occupational therapists, neurobiologists, neuroanatomists, developmental psychologists, community figures, educators, nurses, and doctors. This philosophy is comprehensive and understands how to meet the needs of children rather than labeling and not understanding the root of the problem. It sees an invisible world, works on the long-term effects rather than short-term, and its only products are positive. Puckett and Black stem from a large body of assessments and research done within the school system and home life and have also integrated research from other experts within the field. Dr. Bruce Perry is a leading neurobiologist who used to be a psychologist but eagerly switched fields as there were substantial results with children under the neurobiology/developmentally appropriate model. He understood that children in early childhood should be evaluated by their individual central nervous system because that is how they approach the new world and experiences around them and in what order the brain along with the skills to use their body develops. While Perry was a psychologist interning at a mental institution for young boys, his superiors did not understand why one boy did not want to eat hot dogs and Popsicles and reprimanded him when he fell apart and exhibited bad behavior. When Perry discovered this young boy had been molested by a man and forced to perform oral sex acts, he recognized that at that young age, the developing body did not want to revisit those disturbing positions, and Perry’s solution was to cut up any food that was the negatively familiar shape. Perry has been working with traumatized children for decades and he is responsible for a large body of the affect of stress on the brain. This is a new practice and though he has done much research of the response of stress in the body, it is receiving mixed reviews. But professionals in this field who have actual experience with children firmly support Perry. This philosophy is a lens in which a professional does not view a child as good or bad, smart or stupid, instead, positive and negative, easy, challenging, intense. It is based on experience, not theory. There are no gray areas and misunderstandings, and harsh discipline is substituted for firm but kind guidance. This philosophy has also offered guidance for myself as an (almost) adult and is not limited to the ‘child’ self. The Child development-neurobiology model reinstates the respect and integrity children seem to not be credited today.
“Human beings become a reflection of the world in which they develop. If that world is safe, predictable, and characterized by relationally and cognitively enriched opportunities, the child can grow to be self-regulating, thoughtful, and a productive member of family, community, and society. In contrast, if the developing child’s world is chaotic, threatening, and devoid of kind words and supportive relationships, a child may become impulsive, aggressive, inattentive, and have difficulties with relationships,” (Perry 2004). Are behaviors such as greed, violence, selfishness human or industrial? Are we really born with the capacity to commit twisted crimes of waste, murder and genocide or were there some misconnections in the brain during childhood? There are states of the mind that are affected by how one develops in their childhood, part nature, part nurture. Self can be defined by what you do and not by words that live a life independent of your mind. The self is developed in infancy, influenced by inherent qualities, and promoted or neglected depending on the relationships and environments. There are many variables in how the self develops. There are even more complexities on how the self is defined. Nothing about the self is absolute except for the desire to learn and to keep moving. The self the infant worked to develop and the self that the adult identifies as a result of experiences has yet to meet a balance. As the brain evolves, certain parts of the brain develop, the neo cortex being the recent addition of the brain, is where we can create and problem solve more effectively than most species on the planet. Our current philosophy for children is that they are uncapable of anything unless we do it for them and that we want a specific product from them. We deny children the much needed process of developing what the world means for them.We still have adults incapable of critical thinking, and children who aspire to be “rich and famous”. We fortunately or unfortunately have the desire to develop the sense of self perhaps from our consciousness. Early childhood development is critical to the development of the adult because the brain grows so much in such a short time and we are ultimately our mind. In the modern consumer world, everything is marketed by the fact that we think of ourselves as the number one most important thing. “The family, community, or society that understands and values its children thrives; the society that does not is destined to fail,” (Perry 2004). If we do not want to understand the connection between the foundation of our self that we developed in infancy, than what do we know?









Bibliography:
Gold, Svea J. If Kids Just Came with Instruction Sheets: Creating a World Without Child Abuse. Oregon: Fern Ridge Press, 2005.
Perry, Bruce D.“Maltreatment and the Developing Child: How Early Childhood Experience Shapes Child and Culture.” Child Trauma Academy, Houston. 23 Sept. 2004.
Perry, Bruce D. Incubated in Terror: Neurodevelopmental Factors in the ‘Cycle of Violence’ In: Children, Youth and Violence: The Search for Solutions. Ed. J.D. Osofsky Guilford Press: New York, 1997.
Puckett, Margaret B. and Black, Janet K. The Young Child: Development from Prebirth Through Age Eight. 4th ed. New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2005.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

"And she's been doing it all in high heels"

"And she?s been doing it all working high heels"


I'm in my mother's office and it is 1:06 am. I got here at 6:30 pm, she got here at 8 am yesterday. Ever since early childhood, my mother has worked several jobs. Today, she orders way too much food when we go out, most likely because she never had anything to eat 90% of the time growing up in a 12x12 grass shack with five other brothers and two parents. She's seen piles of dead bodies in religious wars, relatives beheaded for the thinnest of reasons, worked closely with an infamous dictator and his shoe whore, and gave birth to a person she is challenged by, but is proud of it. She worked her way to a country where she has been told by other people who she is and what she is capable of. But she kept on truckin and vowed never to work for anyone but herself. She treats every client and employee she has ever worked with with dignity, generosity, and genuine concern. But she doesn't have time for sketchy and sheltered people.

It is intense to know we are each other's only family. Because of my mother's insatiable need for "success", we are living the most comfortable we have ever had in our lives. And she's been doing it all working high heels.

I am grateful for everything.

My ambiguousness (i'm merely being open-ended) and the mercedes-benz I drive today may give an inaccurate perception of my life to some. But I use it to my advantage. And it makes my mom happy to see me wearing "new looking" clothes and driving a nice car that she bugs me to "take care of". I say, "it's only a car," or , "i'll live through it," if I sit on the bed with my "outside" clothes on. She always gives me a dirty look and a comment addressing my image.

I don't like to get too personal. But she tells me I am a better version of her.